Meteor Matters
by Emberbird
Summary: As these canon human x troll loves progress what will be their obstacles as they go through the many trials of being a different species and more. DaveRezi RoseMary (Rose x Kanaya)


Holy fuck. You are some ironic motherfucker. Who might just go by the name of Dave Strider… either it was that or Fuckface Fluffbutts. Yeah that's it. Tote-

Sorry, I was just slapped by **Dave Strider.**

He is a fucking COOLK1D as some might say.

He has a pussy-like fear of all things buttocks and puppets.

Jegus, the pain I am going through to tell you these things, you _best_ be happy.

As of right now he is in Can Town scribbling an attack of the dentured dicks around Central Park and Testicles Avenue.

A mix of wheezing and cackling is coming from some what-the-fucker over on the other side of the room who just keeps eating the chalk like some kind of imbecile.

Oh yeah, tell Mr. Strider how good the color red excites your bulge than throw a million "JK's" at him while he stops scribbling out of complete vulgarity and disgust. We can all highly estimate that he won't be getting any embarrassing hard-ons for sweeps with that statement thrown his way.

TG: Terezi, why you insist on making me a more disturbed human being than I would have thought possible, i will never know –facepalm-

GC: D4V3, YOU KNOW TH3R3 1S NOTH1NG MOR3 3NT1C1NG TH4N TH3 THOUGHT OF MY BULG3, DON'T D3NY 1T. 1 C4N DR4W TROLL 4N4TOMY ON TH3 W4LL 1F YOU SO PL34S3 ;]!

TG: How about you can add a fuck to this no, that shit would make my genitals shrivel up, fall off and crawl away.

Terezi scooted over to Dave on her knees, sniffing, wary of the chalk getting on her black jeans than semi pounced/fell onto his person. He didn't act like he was all that fond of some girl getting' "all up in his grill." But he was smiling on the inside, trying to keep an ounce of his douche-a-licious "swagger" left before he just cracked a giggled and couldn't stop there. Terezi took that chance to lick his face and accidently lick his lips. Both stopped and looked at each other. One blushing, the other one confused.

TG: Rezi why did you do that?

GC: WH4T D1D 1 DOOO :? 4LL 1 D1D W4S L1CK YOUR F4C3. DON'T B3 4 PUSSY 4BOUT 1T!"

TG: But… it's just a little weird. That is something a human girl would do to a male person. Is that a natural buddy thing to you?

GC: UMM… Y3S 1T 1S. 1'M SORRY D4V3 1 D1DN'T KNOW 1 W4S B31NG 4 B1GOT 1N TH3 W4YS OF CULTUR4L UND3RST4ND1NG. :[

TG: naw tz, youre cool I just overreacted to that one. Plus getting my face licked is just a little bit weird for me. But I can get used to it.

GC: FOR M333? R3444LLY. WOW D4V3, TH444NKKKSSS ;]]]]

TG: ummm… woah tz, hold your troll shit. I am not flirting with you. stop being weird like that.

GC: OH. H3H3. OK.

TEREZI

I absconded from that predicament. I always thought Dave would like flirting with me. Wasn't that what we had been doing all along? Or what about all that sexual teasing and playing with us in can town everyday since we had gotten on this stupid asteroid or meteor or whatever the fuck this dumb hurling establishment really is? Maybe he just wanted the two of us to be bros? … I can do that! I guess. Hehe…hehe!

I crossed the floor painting the scene with my nose, to grab my cane and depart to the stairwell entrance. I could feel Dave's nonchalant gaze going through the back of my head. I'm not really sure if I cared at that moment. Maybe, I don't know anymore. I never know with him.

As I open up the stairwell with my cane and see through the device as I warily step all the way down to the bottom floor where my… lair is. Hehheh. I stumbled, the image in my mind of the staircase shaken and blurred. I stopped myself with the end of my cane, regaining the masterpiece of this place back to a steady image. I carefully and sloowwly felt around before taking each step. I can't imagine how Sollux walks down these dreadful hellerific steps everyday without the experience I have accumulated. Maybe with those fucking lucky powers he's got. All I have to say is damn what a fucking lucky tit. I reached my room and slammed the door open with my cane charging into my assorted high-rise of scalemates, landing in the soft plush and love of the only family I ever _**really **_loved. No one can replace you Ms. Mufflepuffs! I threw her across the room and fiddled around for my laptop. C'mon I could smell the fucking heat as I thought to myself whilst groping the pile for the computer. I touched hot, hard chrome and grabbed at it. Yanking it out of the pile into a somersault upon my lap. Man I was good. I opened the sticky laptop, grabbing a disinfectant towel to clean the screen of my collected saliva. That shit smelled hella gross. I checked my "Tumblr" for Nepeta's new fanfiction comic about her and me. I had gone to her before to get spoilers and she nearly ripped my clothes to smithereens! Whatever the fuck that means! So now I just wait for the update like a goody Gog damn two-shoes. Those human phrases were really sinking into my think pan more and more everyday. The fuck do half of them even mean? :?

Before the knock came to my door I yelled at them to come in. Sollux walked through the doorway, with his stupid little hands out as usual by the smell of it. I had totes forgotten about the damn lessons I have to give this kid on his blindness adaptability. Cute little fucker with his funny moody swings. He sits down in a beanie in the opposite corner of my dragon lair and twiddles his thumbs, mindlessly grinding his fangs together. Today session ought to be fun hehehe….!

DAVE

I got up from Doodle city to go fuck around with Rose. She, as usual was pretending not to be such a big ass flirt with KanKan…. That name, AMG. I slid into a stool and schooched over to her like a derogative asshat. Purposefully ruining their coy disturbing troll x human love dove mood. Kanaya sorta puffed up her now jaded cheeks and Rose looked at me with her mutant stare as if I were the one reason in life she wasn't a happy go lucky fuck. And man did that glare burn; I swear I could feel my glasses melding. Yeahhh, sike. I smiled a strider smile and ask Kanaya about the fine as asses weather we were having. The only reply I get it a muffled is "This Is A Fucking Meteor Dave!" and a graceful stomp to the teleport mat. I hesitated for just a moment before daring to look over at the fire I had created in Rose's eyes for me. Shit she's scary as a motherfucker sometimes. Why I came over here to do that shit, beats me. Boredom can make a man do crazy things.

TT: Really Dave, really?

TG: Yes Rose. Yes.

TT: Why was that even remotely necessary?

TG: Boredom can make a man do crazy things?

TT: Oh yes, I agree.

TT: And anger can make a woman an obliterate degenerate. At will Dave. At fucking will.

TG: Oh. Welp, what can I say? Sorry I guess. What were you guys getting all hot and heavy about?

TT: Do you really think you have any business knowing that, considering you just destroyed the very productive conversation I was having with her about the issues and insecurities she's been having with everybody! But nope. Your self-centered ass has to slide its way over here and make her feel even more unimportant, THANK YOU DAVE. NO REALLY I REALLY FUCKING APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. I REALLY WAS LOKING FOR COUNSELING WITH MY EMOTIONAL WRECK OF A GIRLFRIEND.

I know I had really fucked up big time when my eyes were nearly bulleted from my sockets at the sight of Kanaya in half step towards Rose when a single tear dropped to the floor. Rose turned around at the trajectory of the angle of my head to KanKan standing there, her glow flickering from dull to bright white-ish green. She then decided to take her teary leave as I waited for my assault from the wrath of a sister I was unfortunately still sitting next to.

Fuck.

My.

Life.

I sucked in a sharp breath and with tightened lips dared to twitch my head in the direction of a fuming red face I hardly recognized anymore. She simply said 'Dave" twice and threw a vase at my face. And out I was like a light.


End file.
